Race Journal: Judenburg, Austria – ATSX 250
Finished 25th/96 in the @redbullcrashedice ATSX 250.
Time Trials: A 21st position in time trials got me into the finals.
Round of 64: Won this race with a nice hole shot gate start.
Round of 32: Weird gate start put me in second position into the first turn, then fell while taking the S Turn feature and guys passed me putting me in 4th…
Falls are going to happen in races, and I just so happen to fall in a leading position in the last two events. I believe these falls could have been avoided by going slower and not rushing and I still could have advanced in the races. Butttt, I’m not here to half ass race. I’m here to Ricky Bobby this shit, “I wanna go fast.” Sometimes things play out well and I win, and sometimes they don’t. This weekend’s round of 32 it was face in the snow, slamming into boards, and a full send crowd pleaser. I’m being hard on myself here tho, 25th place isn’t that bad, it’s actually a step forward,,, so should I be satisfied with this result?
It seems that I focus on my mistakes after races and these thoughts tend to dominate my state of mind for too long. Part of this is because I’m always trying to recognize my mistakes and learn from them so that I am constantly improving. The other side to this is that I am in a constant battle mentally trying to stay positive, because if I focus too much on my mistakes, then I begin a downward spiral of negative thoughts and emotions.
This is what I signed up for though. I am having mucho fun competing, but the physical work is coupled by a challenging mental state, an uncomfortable struggle that leads to growth. I recognize this struggle is primarily internal and I am the source of any suffering that I experience mentally… these thoughts are produced by my brain. It seems that the suffering we experience as athletes is from our own self judgement. This judgment comes from emotions like the fear of failure and underperforming. We tend to create an inflated view of ourselves manifested in the form of expectations, and created by the ego instead of being present on the journey we are on. If you take an L, it almost seems it only becomes a experience of suffering if you let criticism in.
Positive takeaways tho,,, I really feel that I’m at the top of my game right now! Things are falling into place. I came up with this mantra for this race, it was, “try your best and let God do the rest.” Cheesy? Whatever, I was stress free going into competition. We can only work hard, try our best, and be patient… the results will come. That’s my focus, because getting into trying to control things that are out of my control never works out well. And hey, this race result might be the best thing for me right now. If I would have finished higher, would I have become complacent and not be as hungry for a win going into these big races? Hungry af rn for a win!
Onto Finland next for a race in 2 weeks!